Venting… but no backdraft?

I can probably sum up what I’m about to say in one phrase: Some people want to fart in the wind, but are shocked and appalled when the wind changes quickly and their own stink returns to their noses.

I understand that we all need to vent sometimes.  I’m the one that does the venting on occasion to trusted friends, and I have those that trust me to come to me for their release.  Sometimes we just need someone to hear us out.  That’s perfectly fine.  And sometimes, we don’t necessarily want or need any feedback, pep talk, or whatever… we just need to be heard.  That’s alright sometimes.

What irks the crap out of me, however,  is when you have folks that want to release and vent and spew and piss and moan and whine all over the place, but RARELY want any real feedback, especially when it’s gonna tell them about themselves.  Worse yet, they even cop an attitude toward you even you even attempt to interject anything unless you’re in complete agreement with them.

Maybe the reason that it gets on my nerves so much is that I expect my friends to give me some perspective, or to put me in check when I’m out of order.  What a crazy notion, right?

I’m sorry… but if you’re coming sideways then don’t come blowing off steam to me and expect me to just say “yeah”, nod my head in agreement, or give any such indication that I agree with, condone, or consent to your point of view.  When this is almost ALWAYS the case, you’re not really looking for a release… you’re just looking for someone to cosign and validate you in your mess.  Get real and GROW UP.

Oh, and let me drop this little tidbit… if you’re always complaining about what “people” are always saying to or about you, and these “people” are really the ones that are appointed in your life to look out for your best interests, your well being, and your very SOUL… then SHUT UP AND LISTEN.  They very well might be wrong in any particular instance… but at least take a doggone second to humble yourself, get your rump off of your shoulders, your nose out of the air, and HONESTLY EVALUATE YOURSELF.

Treasuring my dear friends

Before I begin, I must point out that I’m not much of a writer.  As I start to do the blogging thing more frequently, I realize that sometimes when I try to express my thoughts in written form, it just doesn’t seem to come out the way that I want it to.  Nonetheless, here I go…

I truly treasure my dearest friends.  I don’t have a lot of them… many acquaintances and many friends, but very few DEAR friends.  The select few that I can confide in, trust in, and have that same commitment and trust from me.  Sometimes they are someone who you’ve been close to for a very long time… sometimes they are someone that  you haven’t had that sort of history with, but somehow have that unspoken and effortless connection with.

There are certain qualities that these dear friends have that make them special to me… not that other friends lack these qualities, but the ones special to you are the ones you know without a doubt that you can rely on for a different level of communication.  It can’t always been explained, but you just feel it.

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Consistency: No Flip-Flopping

I’ve learned by experience the importance of being consistent in words and actions, and when it comes to your closest relationships it is that much more critical.  I am fed up with wishy washy nonsense from folks, whether they been acquaintances, family, or co-workers.  It’s a shame when you can’t take a person’s words at face value because that person has become notorious for flip-flopping as soon as it’s convenient for them.  Then when you you call them on it, you get some crap excuse similar to "well that was different" or sometimes they just dismiss or ignore it. 

Now this doesn’t mean that you got to folks expecting the same type of response from them every time.  A dear friend’s consistency is in not having to second guess their words, or suspecting that they’re gonna flip flop on you when it’s good for them.  You can take it to heart and know that they really mean what they say.

Objectivity

I like to think that I’m pretty good when it comes to thinking objectively.  When I disagree with something, I’m usually able to take a step back and try to view the situation from multiple perspectives and weigh that against my own viewpoint to make the most objective decision/opinion possible.  Nonetheless, it seems like common sense to me that to get a truly objective viewpoint, you need to get it from more than your own brain.  So to be able to got to that dear friend that is like-minded in their attempt to be objective when giving advise is a quality that shouldn’t be undervalued.

Be real, whether it’s favorable or not

Sometimes when we’re seeking the advice or counseling of others, what we want to hear and what we need to hear may be completely different.  A real friend isn’t one that just tickles your ears and fills your head with what you want ot hear and what makes you feel good inside.  Sometimes they’ll need to tell you something that might offend or even hurt you… but they’re doing it for your good.

The problem here is that some folks have real friends, and can’t appreciate it because they don’t want  the real answer.  They really want to hear the convenient answer, the answer that favors them, the answer that they feels justifies their mess, even if it’s not the correct answer.  So, sadly, they’ll turn from their true friends and run to the people that will scratch their itching ears just right.

I thank God that not only do I have people in my life that can and will tell me about myself when I need to be told, but that I’m humble enough to take it even if it stings.

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I know this is just the tip of the iceberg on this subject.  I’ll point out that as much as I try to exhibit these same quality to those that are dear to me, I’m still working on myself.  We all are, we’re not perfect, and we sometimes come up short in these very same qualities that I’ve described.  Lord knows I have.  But there’s a huge difference between sometimes falling short and constantly laying down because the effort isn’t even being made.

That said, I encourage each of you to take the time to appreciate the ones that you hold dear, the ones that you love, the ones that you depend on to keep you straight… and work just as hard to be that same friend for them.

Awww HECK naw!

I made these comments on a friends page on Facebook who posted this video, and I just had to blog it as well…

http://www.whoisthemonkey.com/videos/23/son-slaps-mom-on-dr-phil

If you just watched that and are a parent that believes in “spare the rod, spoil the child”, then you’re probably hype and ready to break off a pillar to crack this boy’s behind with.  Let me count this off…

  1. The second he raised his voice it would have been knocked back down.
  2. The moment he pointed his finger at me like that, he would have drawn back a stump cuz I would have ripped that sucka backwards.
  3. Shut up?!? Did you just tell me to shut up???? OH LAWD GIVE ME SKREMPH CUZ I’M ABOUT TO SHOW THIS BOY WHAT SHUT UP REALLY IS!
  4. Wanna lay some hands, eh? Aiiiight… Call the cops in advance, and tell them to bring Child Protective Serivces with them. Have some family members put together cash for some bail money and a good lawyer, then meet me at the jail. Hire some contractors and tell them to be ready to replace some windows and walls… While y’all getting all that together, I’ll be doing some remodeling of lil man’s face with said objects needing repair. Not a whuppin’… a BEATING. One of those “oh you think you grown and can take me??” beatings.

I hope that kid gets a good ol’ fashioned community beating, where any adult in authority within 10 miles comes to line up and put in some work on his behind.